Long distance relationships are becoming more common in today’s world, with people moving away for work or study or meeting online from different parts of the world. While some couples manage to make it work, others struggle to keep the flame alive. As someone who has been in a long distance relationship before, I understand the challenges that come with it, and I have seen firsthand what can cause them to fail.
One of the biggest factors that can make long distance relationships fail is a lack of communication. When you’re far apart from your partner, it’s important to make an effort to stay connected and keep each other updated on your lives. However, if one person is always the one initiating conversations or if both of you are too busy to make time for each other, it can lead to feelings of neglect and resentment.
Another common reason why long distance relationships fail is the lack of physical intimacy. While emotional connection is important, physical touch and intimacy are also crucial for a healthy relationship. When you’re in a long distance relationship, it can be difficult to fulfill this need, and some people may turn to cheating or seek out physical intimacy elsewhere.
The absence of physical contact and communication
Not being able to connect physically with your partner is probably the main reason why long distance relationships don’t work out. It affects both partners in different ways.
When you’re not able to see or talk to your partner on a regular basis, it can lead to feelings of disconnection and loneliness. This can be especially difficult if you’re used to spending a lot of time together, and suddenly you’re forced to be apart.
When you’re in a long distance relationship, it can be easy to feel like you’re losing touch with your partner, or that they’re moving on without you. This fear can be amplified if you’re not able to communicate regularly, or if you’re not able to see each other for long periods of time.
It’s important to remember that these feelings are normal, and that they don’t necessarily mean that your relationship is in trouble. However, it’s important to find healthy ways to cope with these feelings so that they don’t take over your life.
Lack of Communication
One of the most common reasons why long distance relationships fail is lack of communication. When you’re in a long distance relationship, communication is key to keeping the relationship alive. Without regular communication, misunderstandings can occur, and the relationship can quickly fall apart.
Misunderstandings due to Communication Gaps
One of the biggest problems that can arise from a lack of communication is misunderstandings. When you’re not communicating regularly with your partner, it’s easy for miscommunications to happen. You might assume that your partner is upset with you when they’re really just busy with work or school or, you might think that your partner is ignoring you when they’re really just having a bad day.
Since my boyfriend is taking medical classes and working his way into med school, there were a lot of times that he couldn’t talk when I wanted to, but he still made an effort to call me anytime he could. If you find yourself as the super busy one, still try your hardest to make time for your loved one, a little can go a long way. Keep in mind though that your personal goals still matter, you shouldn’t have to give up anything for a relationship.
To avoid misunderstandings, it’s important to communicate regularly with your partner. Make sure that you’re both on the same page about your expectations for the relationship, and don’t be afraid to ask questions if you’re unsure about something. If you’re feeling upset or frustrated, it’s important to talk to your partner about it instead of letting those feelings fester.
It’s also important to be clear and concise when you’re communicating with your partner. When you’re not able to see each other in person, it can be easy for messages to get lost in translation. Make sure that you’re being clear about your intentions and feelings, and try to avoid using sarcasm or humor that might be misinterpreted.
Trust Issues
Trust issues are extremely common in long distance relationships and is one of the leading causes of long distance failures. Believe it or not there are actually ways you can get over these emotions and work them out to where you feel stable and confident in your relationship. Inspiring Tips has a very good article about it so I recommend checking out their post.
Jealousy
I have found that jealousy is one of the most common trust issues that can ruin a long distance relationship. When you are miles apart from your partner, it can be easy to let your mind wander and imagine all sorts of scenarios. You may start to feel insecure about your partner’s faithfulness and start to question their every action. This can lead to constant arguments and a lack of trust between you and your partner.
If you find yourself feeling jealous, it is important to communicate with your partner and express your concerns. However, it is also important to recognize that your jealousy may be unfounded and try to work on building trust in your relationship.
As random as it may sound, I had a dream that I cheated on my partner during the long distance phase of our relationship. Even though I didn’t cheat on him in real life, I still felt super guilty even thinking about that. In this situation, it was important to know that I don’t have control over my unconscious thoughts. If you have a similar dream, or even if you suspect your partner of cheating, it’s extremely important to not point immediately. Remember that you aren’t always in control of your thoughts and that some of is either overthinking or intrusive thoughts.
Insecurity
Insecurity can also be a major trust issue in long distance relationships. When you are not physically with your partner, it can be easy to feel insecure about your relationship and your partner’s feelings for you. This can lead to a lack of trust and constant need for reassurance.
If you are feeling insecure, it is important to communicate with your partner and express your concerns. It is also important to work on building your own self-confidence and trust in your relationship. Some things you can do to work on self confidence is:
- Take care of yourself: Prioritize self-care and take care of your physical and mental health. This will help you feel more confident in yourself and your ability to handle the challenges of a long distance relationship.
- Set goals: Set personal goals and work towards achieving them. This will help you feel more confident in your abilities and give you a sense of purpose.
- Pursue hobbies and interests: Engage in activities that you enjoy and that make you feel good about yourself. This will help boost your self-esteem and confidence.
- Reflect on your strengths: Take time to reflect on your strengths and accomplishments. This will help you appreciate your own value and build self-confidence.
- Practice positive self-talk: Use positive affirmations and self-talk to reinforce positive beliefs about yourself. This can help build self-confidence and self-esteem.
- Connect with others: Connect with friends and family, as well as online communities, to build a sense of support and belonging. This can help boost confidence and self-esteem.
- Learn new skills: Take up new hobbies or learn new skills to challenge yourself and build confidence in your abilities.
- Celebrate successes: Celebrate your successes, no matter how small. This will help build confidence and reinforce positive beliefs about yourself.
- Set boundaries: Set boundaries and communicate your needs in the relationship. This will help you feel more confident and in control of the situation.
- Practice gratitude: Practice gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life and relationship. This can help build self-confidence and a sense of appreciation for what you have.
Doing these things will also help you keep your mind off of your relationship for a while and put your mind at ease. Remember, the best thing you can do for yourself when feeling insecure in your relationships is always communicate with your partner. Addressing your insecurities with your significant other can help strengthen your bond and build trust. Your partner may be able to provide reassurance and support, and help you work through any issues or concerns you may have
Different Expectations
Goals
Another one of the biggest reasons long distance relationships fail is because of different goals. In my experience, when one person in the relationship has a goal that doesn’t align with the other, it can create a lot of tension and frustration. For example, if one person wants to move to a different city or country for their career, while the other wants to stay put, it can be difficult to find a compromise that works for both parties.
It’s important to have open and honest conversations about your goals early on in the relationship. This can help you both determine if you’re on the same page and if the relationship is worth pursuing.
Since I was only in Texas for a short amount of time for school, I had to tell my boyfriend as soon as possible that I had to move back home. In that moment, we both had to decide if we wanted to pursue the relationship, and we both decided it was worth it. On my end, the most important thing I needed to do was telling him as soon as I could to give him time to decide if he wanted to go through with it or not.
If we didn’t have that honest conversation, we would probably not be together and would have missed out on the beautiful relationship we have built together. If you want a future together, you need to be open and honest about your plans and your future no matter how uncomfortable the conversation may be.
Priorities
Another issue that can arise in long distance relationships is different priorities. When you’re not physically together, it can be easy to prioritize other things over your relationship. For example, one person might prioritize their career or social life over spending time with their partner.
It’s important to make sure you’re both on the same page when it comes to your priorities. This might mean setting aside specific times to talk or making plans to visit each other. It’s also important to be understanding and supportive of each other’s priorities, as long as they’re not completely neglecting the relationship.
For example, W has made it clear that in this phase of our lives, his studies come fist before anything else. However, he dame it clear that he is studying in order for our future to be successful. Even though he puts his education above me, he still makes time for me and plans fun activities for us to do together. In situations like this, it’s important to support them and help them with their goals in anyway you can. This will one strengthen your bond, and two help them finish their tasks quicker so they can spend time with you.
Physical Distance
Lack of Shared Experiences
Another challenge of physical distance in a long distance relationship is the lack of shared experiences. When you are not together, it can be hard to feel like you are a part of each other’s lives. You may miss out on important events or milestones, or feel like you are not able to fully participate in your partner’s life.
Without shared experiences, it can be hard to maintain a strong emotional connection. You may find that you have less to talk about, or that your conversations become more superficial. This can lead to feelings of boredom or disinterest, and can ultimately cause the relationship to fail.
I know sometimes my boyfriend and I had nothing to talk about and we would just end up staring at each other pretty much the whole time on a video call. And if I’m being honest, that was a great way to feel closer to one another. It felt like a close intimate moment even though we were miles away.
Don’t do that all the time, but also don’t worry to much if you have nothing to talk about. It’s important to feel comfortable in complete silence with the one you love. Obviously talk about your day, communicate, and connect through conversation, but don’t be afraid of silence.
Miscommunication
Physical distance can also lead to miscommunication. When you are not together, it can be hard to read each other’s body language and facial expressions. This can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and even arguments.
In addition, the lack of physical proximity can make it harder to communicate effectively. You may find that you are relying more on technology to stay in touch, which can lead to misinterpretations or confusion. This can cause frustration and tension in the relationship, and can ultimately lead to its demise. Since it’s a lot harder to give up on long distance relationships then to keep them going, one argument can crush it completely.
This being said there are tips and tricks to learning better communication we have a Communication in dating blog, but if you want a step by step guide, check out Dating at a Distance.
Trust me, I know how much work it can be and how hard it is not seeing your partner at all for long periods of time, but it is definitely worth it to try as hard as you can and not let one tiny disagreement ruin the connection between you two.
Neglecting the Relationship
Not making time for each other
If one or both partners do not make time for each other, your relationship is pretty much as good as dead. It’s easy to get caught up in our busy lives and forget to set aside quality time for our loved ones. When we neglect to make time for our significant other, it can lead to feelings of loneliness, frustration, and resentment.
To avoid this, it’s important to schedule regular video calls, phone calls, and text messages to stay connected. Make sure to prioritize your partner and make them feel valued and loved. Even if you can’t physically be together, you can still make meaningful connections by sharing your daily experiences, hopes, and dreams.
My boyfriend would call me 1 to 2 times a day, sometimes 3 if I was really missing him, and even though we weren’t physically together, it’s was nice to know that he was willing to take time out of his busy day to call me and make me feel valued and loved. It’s extremely important to do this with your partner. Call them as often as you can to let them know you still love them and are still willing to keep the relationship going.
Neglecting intimacy
Physical intimacy is an important part of any relationship, but it can be challenging in a long distance relationship. When partners are physically apart, it’s easy to neglect intimacy and let the spark fizzle out.
To combat this, it’s important to find ways to keep the intimacy alive. This can include:
- sending flirty messages: This can be a fun spicy way to keep your conversations playful and intimated.
- having virtual date nights: Virtual date nights are a super great way to feel as if you are connected once again. If you need some ideas check out our post about facetime ideas pt. 1 and 2.
- planning surprise: Visiting your loved one in person may be the most important thing to do. It doesn’t have to be a surpris, but you should try to visit your partner as often as possible. I know it’s expensive, but I always told myself, when it comes to the one I love, money doesn’t matter.
Don’t let distance be an excuse to neglect this important aspect of your relationship. If you want a more in-depth explanation of intimacy, Couples Coaching, has great explanations and tips for improving this part of your love life.
External Influences
Interference from friends or family
It’s not uncommon for friends or family members to express concerns about a long distance relationship. They may worry that the distance will make it difficult to maintain a strong connection or that one partner will be unfaithful. While it’s important to listen to the concerns of loved ones, it’s also important to remember that ultimately the decision to pursue a long distance relationship is up to the couple.
That being said, interference from friends or family can still be a major factor in the failure of a long distance relationship. If loved ones are constantly expressing doubts or trying to undermine the relationship, it can create tension and strain between partners. It’s important for couples to communicate openly and honestly about how they feel and to set boundaries with friends and family if necessary.
Another potential issue is if one partner is overly influenced by the opinions of their friends or family. If they are constantly seeking advice or validation from others instead of trusting their own feelings and judgment, it can create a rift in the relationship.
It is very important for couples in long distance relationships to trust each other and their own instincts. While it can be helpful to seek advice and support from loved ones, it’s important to remember that the decision to pursue a long distance relationship should be based on what feels right for the couple.
Distance pierces their physical touch though the strength of their love can not be crushed
Your pen pal,
L